


The Great Shipping War

by APHNyoGermany



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Fighting over shoes, Gen, Humor, M/M, insane, kind of cracky
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-18
Updated: 2017-07-18
Packaged: 2018-12-03 16:49:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 4,612
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11536359
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/APHNyoGermany/pseuds/APHNyoGermany
Summary: Poland drags Lithuania with him to go shopping the same day Hong Kong and Iceland go shopping. The couples meet in a shoe store where Iceland and Poland starts to fight over the last pair of boots in the right size. Everything goes wrong from here





	1. Chapter 1

Lithuania sighed as he followed after Poland into the fifth store that day. His arms were weighed down by what had to be at least twenty bags full of clothes, hair accessories and anything else that caught Poland's short attention span. The next store was a shoes store. Lithuania's arms began to shake under all the bags and he placed them down on a bench near the store entrance.

"Hey Po, I think I'm going relax out here while you're in there." Lithuania hoped with every ounce in his body that he would just say okay and skip into the store, leaving him to relax. He wasn't so lucky.

"Like, come on Liet! I need your help to pick the cutest shoes for my new outfits!" Poland whined and leaned on Liet's arm, tugging him towards the store. He had an adorable puppy dog look that he knew would melt Liet's heart. Sadly for Liet, he was right.

"Fine, but why do I have to carry all the bags when I haven't gotten anything?" He complained following the blond into the store, once again weighed down by the multiple bags.

"You, like, totally got things! You got that adorable hair bow, and that top and that skirt! Now we need to get you shoes to match that outfit." Poland was already looking through the flats, his shoes abandoned by one of the chairs as he tried on several to see if any flattered his ankles the way he wanted.

"You are the ones who got those and I'll never wear something like that!" Liet dropped the bags near Poland's shoes and sat in the chair, glad to be able to sit down for a moment after being up and walking since six morning. It was approaching noon now. His feet hurt like crazy. Maybe he did need some new shoes but comfortable work shoes that he can wear all day easily and not a pair of high heels like Poland was currently fawning over. He had just painfully stood back up to look through the sneaker section when he bumped into an expressionless asian teen with massive eyebrows.

"Oh, hey Hong Kong. What are you doing here?" Liet greeted politely.

"Like, hello Lithuania-san. I'm, like here with Iceland. He, saw some boots he like wants really badly so we, like came in here. Why are you here?" Hong Kong responded, placing the bags he had down near Liet's.

"Oh, Poland wanted me to come with him to go shopping. We've been here almost all day. I have a feeling we won't be leaving soon either. Have you gotten anything interesting while you've been here?" Liet started to drift over to the sneakers while talking to Hong Kong. The Asian followed after him, looking at the newest special release shoes that cost over a hundred dollars.

"Yeah, I guess. Like, got a new tablet and some video games and other stuff. Iceland has like been the one buying most of the things. He's like, obsessed with boots."

Liet grinned as he listened to the monotoned teen. He found some steeled toes shoes that looked really strong and comfortable at the same time. He grabbed a pair in his size to try on. "I never would have guessed he was into things like boots but with the thigh-high boots, guess it shouldn't have been surprising. Though, something tells me his obsession isn't nearly as bad as Poland's." He was happy with the fit and grabbed the box to buy.

"I like, kind of doubt that actually. He almost punched someone when they had they last pair in his size of some boots he wanted." Hong Kong had three boxes under his arm of limited edition shoes and was deciding which was the coolest.

"That's still not as bad as Poland. He had a full screaming fit when the shoes didn't fight the right way."

"That's like pretty bad." Hong Kong shrugged and and got all three pairs of super expensive shoes. The pair left to try and find their fashion obsessed boyfriends. When they found them, they were in a full wrestle match against each other with insults being thrown back and forth.

"Oh dear…." Liet sighed as he took in the sight.


	2. Chapter 2

Iceland and Hong Kong drifted throughout the mall, checking out any stores that caught one or both of their interests. Currently, they were in an electronic store where Iceland was bored for the most part. The only thing for him to do in there was to try and keep his boyfriend from causing an economic depression for his country since he wanted to buy everything in there. Finally getting annoyed he put on his best Norway impression and forced the Asian teen to buy only five items to buy before they left. After what had to be twenty minutes of watching Hong Kong fuss over all the things he wanted, though Iceland wasn't that annoyed with the wait since he found Hong Kong's concentration face adorable, they finally left to continue their shopping adventure.

They were trying to decide whether or not to hit the food court when Iceland's eye caught on something. He promptly gasped and rushed into a nearby shoe store leaving a vaguely confused Hong Kong. The Asian teen followed his overexcited boyfriend into the store, figuring it was another pair of boots he "Couldn't live without." It puzzled Hong Kong how Ice tended to be rather passive and not caring about much of anything until he spotted a pair of boots he wanted. Then he get's an attitude that rivals Poland and Hong Kong sincerely pitied anyone foolish enough to try and stop the Nordic teen.

Once in the store, Iceland began to hunt down the pair of absolutely adorable boots. They were thigh high, snow white beauties with a heel to die for. They lace all the way up and have buckles across the back in the perfect place to ensure the right fit. They were perfect and they were so going to be his. On his hunt, he bumped into Poland who was fawning over a pair of Uggs.

"Hey Poland, what's up?" Iceland greeted distractedly.

"Oh, like hey Iceland! Things are going great. I finally got Liet to come shopping with me and I've gotten some of the cutest new outfits. The only thing that's missing are the right shoes. I've got them all picked out except for a pair to the perfect white, winter dress. It's the cutest thing, you would love it. What have you been up to?" Poland gushed, always happy to talk about his day.

"Not too much. Out shopping with Hong. I've gotten a couple pairs of boots so far that are perfect but I saw a pair on display here that I have to have. Have you found where those white boots are?" He explained, hoping the blond nation could help him find the desired shoes.

"I like, don't recall seeing any white boots on display… Hold on, I'm gonna see what they look like and totally help you out if you promise to help me find the perfect shoes for my dress."

"Deal." They highfived their arrangement and Poland hurried off to see what the target shoes where. The minute he saw them he had to have them. They were perfect! Those where the shoes that would his outfit extra fabulous! He hurried back and started searching for them frantically. "Amazing aren't they?" Iceland smirked at the look of awe and desperation on the blond's face.

"Like, OMG they are just the shoes I need for my dress! I have to have a pair!" Poland gushed searching like his life depended on it.

Iceland nodded in complete agreement and joined in the frenzied search. They finally found where they were and both were ecstatic as they started the search for the right size. Iceland smiled as he found the box marked size six and pulled it down. Poland saw and grinned too.

"Like, thanks for finding my size! You're awesome!" Poland made a grab for the box but Iceland quickly moved it.

"This is my size. I'm sure there's another box for size six." Iceland explained while sitting down to try them on. He had just unlaced his current shoes when a frustrated huff came from Poland.

"That's like the only pair in the right size! That's so unfair, I need them for my outfit." Poland had his hands on his hips and was eyeing the box grumply. "What are you going to use them for anyway? It must be a really great outfit if you want those to go with them." Poland huffed again and sat down across from Iceland, moodily.

"I don't have a single outfit set aside for these. These are way too beautiful to wear only once in a while." Iceland grabbed one of them to try them on only to have a gasp come from Poland who snatched the boot from his hand and stood up.

"You can't just wear these with any old outfit! It has to be the perfect outfit so that they can shine! You shouldn't get to have them if you think otherwise." Poland huffed decidedly and held on to the boot while Iceland glared daggers at him.

"I found the box first now hand over that boot or I'll take it from you! I can wear them with whatever I want and there's nothing you can do about it so hand it over!" Iceland was standing as well, grabbing for the boot.

"No way! You can't have them if you are just going to disrespect them. You don't deserve them so you give me the other boot!" Poland made a lunge for the boot still in the box only to be blocked by Iceland.

"Give it to me!" Iceland shrieked, tackling the blond in his attempt to grabbed the shoe from him. Poland tossed it aside to keep it safe from the Nordic teen while he tried to reach for the box.

They continued to shout and wrestle when their boyfriends found them.

"Oh dear…." Lithuania sighed.


	3. Chapter 3

Lithuania and Hong Kong were rather surprised to find their boyfriends laying on the ground, Iceland on top of Poland and pressing down on his shoulders while reaching to the right and Poland with an arm locked around Iceland neck and reaching to the left. Both were screaming insults at each other about how the other "Didn't deserve them." Or "Couldn't look good in them."

"Should we… stop them?" Liet asked Hong Kong, trying to figure out how to stop the two fashion obsessed nations from killing each other without ending up dead himself.

"Like, I guess." Hong Kong shrugged and, after setting down his boxes of shoes, grabbed Iceland under his arms and pulled while Liet grabbed Poland's arms and pulled, successfully separating the two.

"Like, let go! That loser is trying to steal my shoes! He's not allowed to have them! They would look awful with that flat ass of his now let me GO!" Poland screamed twisting and turning to get away from Liet's grip but Liet just kept a firm hold on his arms to keep him from escaping.

"Hong Kong, I swear to Thor that if you don't let go right the second, we are never going to have sex again!" Iceland threatened. Hong Kong looked vaguely afraid and let him go when Poland managed to escape Liet's grip and grab the shoes before running away with them. Iceland gave a battle screech and gave chase.

Liet cocked an eyebrow at Hong Kong who was faintly blushing. "Like, what?" Liet just shook his head at the teen. Good to see who had control in their relationship, he thought to himself before turning his attention back to the raging nations. Poland had managed to climb up on one of the selves, holding the box protectively to himself while Iceland hurled heels at him hoping to knock him down. Liet sighed and walked over to the shelf with the hope of talking Poland down.

"Would you get down here you stupid blond!" Iceland screamed. Liet heard this and gave the Nordic teen a cold look. He could get some competition over the shoes but that was too far.

"Iceland! You shouldn't say that to people." He reprimed which earned him an irritated look from Hong Kong.

"You are like, so not the boss of him so like shut up." Hong Kong crossed his arms over his chest and stood protectively next to his boyfriend who was still hurling shoes at the blond on the shelf.

"He needs to learn that it's not okay to say things to other people." Liet protested grabbing the shoe Iceland was about to throw from his hand and tossed it away. Hong Kong grabbed another box and handed it to Iceland while staring straight at Liet.

"You're like just jealous that my boyfriend is twelve times hotter than yours and would like rocking those boots way better than Poland." Hong Kong stated.

Liet huffed. "As if. Poland could beat Iceland in every way when it comes to looks. Iceland wouldn't know fashion if it strutted right past him." Liet defened, glaring at the teen.

The two glared at each other until Hong Kong grabbed a sandal and smacked Liet across the face with it. Liet staggered, surprised by the attack when he grabbed a sneaker and popped the underside of Hong Kong chin with it. Hong Kong rubbed his chin before throwing the sandal straight for Liet. Liet dogged and grabbed the shoes the Asian teen was going to get and ran off with them. Hong Kong glared and gave chase. Eventually, Liet was sitting on the shelf behind Poland, tearing the laces from the shoes and throwing them every which was then throwing the shoes themselves out the store door.

Hong Kong grabbed Iceland and went to the back of the shelves where the pair grabbed the shelve by the base and heaved upward, sending it crashing into the shelf next to it and causing a domino effect. Liet saw the approaching danger and, after dropping the last shoe under him so it would never be found be found among the flats, jumped to the next shelve to grab Poland and climb down. Poland quickly ran out the door while Liet left some money at the cash register to pay for the desired shoes, he wasn't a thief, before following his boyfriend out of the shop with two pissed off teens hot on his heels.

Poland ran with everything he had and bolted into a clothing store so he could dive into one of the clothing racks to hide. He sent a quick text to Liet about where he was hiding before he settled in and tried to quiet his breathing. He would wait here until closing time if he had to. Liet got his text and ran into a furniture store and dove under one of the display beds, using the decorative skirt to cover him. The teen pair had been focused on following him so they would think Poland was in here with him. When they found out he wasn't, they would have to search the entire mall to find him, giving the blond plenty of time to run to the car and hide there.

Iceland was torn. He had seen Poland run farther ahead but Lithuania had ran into the store to his right and he wasn't sure which had the boots. He grit his teeth and finally started cursing while he pulled out his phone. He was going to get those shoes one way or another. Using speed dial, he called Norway while sending Hong Kong after Liet and he charged forward. Norway picked up on the second ring. "Hello little bro-"

Iceland cut him off. "If you get your ass down to the mall and help me get these boots from Poland and Lithuania I will call you and everyone else that helps big brother for a month. Me and Hong Kong got into a fight with them and now they are hiding and we need some help to find them. I need these boots so get all of your viking asses down here and help me." Iceland hung up to continue searching.

Norway took the cross out of his hair and looked at it. He was shocked to be honest but it didn't show on his face. He figured that helping find a pair of boots would be well worth it if he would finally be called big brother like he had been asking to be for ages. He put his phone back into his hair before shouting for the others.

"Iceland got into a fight at the mall and needs our help, everyone get in the car." Norway headed for the door knowing they would all come. Denmark dropped all of his legos and bolted for the car the minute he heard the word fight, grabbing his axe as he ran. Finland grabbed his sniper rifle and jogged down while Sweden grabbed his staff and followed everyone else out the door. They knew there would probably be no need for the weapons but no one is allowed to mess with their Ice without serious consequences.

Norway drove, breaking almost every single driving law there was by speeding and refusing to stop for red lights or stop signs. How they managed to not get arrested was a miracle but they made it to the mall in under five minutes. When they walked in, they found Hong Kong climbing a rope up to the second level like he was Flynn Rider in the movie Rapunzel, Iceland throwing bottle of lotion at Lithuania and Poland who were jumping from the lights attached to the roof, Poland holding a box while screaming insults at the teens and the teens screaming back. Russia, Belarus, Estonia and Latvia arrived shortly after the Nordic family and Russia started to laugh. "Today shall be fun, da?"


	4. Chapter 4

Iceland and Hong Kong chased after the other couple with every ounce of speed they had. The two focused of Liet, figuring that the two stick together when Liet cut right into a furniture store. After a string of curses from Iceland, Hong Kong was sent into the store while Iceland charged forward. Hong Kong ran in to search for Lithuania. Unfortunately, the store was fairly full and he lost sight of him. This mall needed to be more empty. Hong Kong suddenly let a tiny evil grin touch his face as he pulled a firecracker out of his pocket along with a lighter. A quick flick of his thumb and toss of the wrist towards the counter and that store was quickly emptied.

Hong Kong laughed as they ran passed him, in a confused panic. A quick look around showed no brunet heads or any heads for that matter. Hong Kong shrugged and, with a smirk, figured it would make everything much easier to clear the entire mall. With that goal in mind, he walked out and started going to verse stores with firecrackers in hand.

In the chaos that followed, Poland texted Liet telling him to come out and join him on the lights. Lithuania was too far gone to care about getting in trouble for being up there and ran out to try and figure out a way up there. First he ran upstairs and saw that one of the stores had a canopy over the walkway. He ran into a nearby hiking store and grabbed a length of rope. With that in hand, he texted Poland to get to the light closest to the canopy as he jumped on the railing, the one that keeps people from falling to the first floor, and jumped on the canopy. He gave a quick sigh of relief that it held his weight before taking the rope and unwinding about half of it and knot the other have. He needed a weighted end so that he could throw it to the lights.

Poland hoped to the light and as soon as he was there, Liet threw the weighted end of the rope. Poland caught it and tied it to the wire keeping the light up. Liet was about to tie the other end to the canopy when Iceland came running at him full speed. He instead sung out on the rope so he was hanging out over the first floor and started to climb up. Iceland managed to catch the end of the rope before it fell and started pulling on it to try and get it close enough for him to tie it to the railing and climb up to the light. Lithuania got to the light before Iceland could manage a completely knot and the pair untied it quickly, leaving the now tied rope to hang down to the first floor. Iceland swore and ran into a nearby lotion store and grabbed a box full of lotion bottles to start hurling at the couple whom started to jump from light to light to avoid being hit.

Hong Kong had successfully cleared the mall, even getting the security to leave after one of the guards took a bite of his sandwich and it exploded. Since no one had seen him light the fireworks, everyone freaked out even more and left. After his small moment of satisfaction, he saw Iceland throwing lotion at the two nation on the lights and rope that was closer than stairs to reach the second level. Hong Kong ran to start climbing the rope.

On the lights, Poland yelled for Liet to hand him his phone which he got. Using speed dial, he called the only people he could think of, the other Baltics. Estonia picked up right before voicemail.

"Hello?" He asked distractedly, playing a video game.

"Like, get down to the mall and help us! Iceland is trying to steal my new boots and he, like can't have them! So come help us." Poland yelled, jumping from light to light. Iceland's aiming was improving.

"Umm, kind of busy at the moment." Estonia replied. Poland rolled his eyes.

"If you come help us then I give you those pajamas bottoms covered in World of Warcraft characters."

"Fine, I guess we needed to go to the mall anyway." Estonia sighed in defeat, saving his game.

"Like thanks! You rock." Poland hung up and threw the phone back to Lithuania.

Estonia groaned and stood up, grabbing his shoes and calling out to Latvia.

"Latvia! Poland and Lithuania want us to come to the mall and help them. I'll show you how to use Photoshop if you come!"

Latvia quickly came downstairs and started getting ready to go when a tall shadow approached.

"Where are you going?" Russia asked curiously. Estonia shrank away and Latvia started to shack.

"T-to the mall. Lithuania and Poland need some help…" Latvia informed him.

"They need help? I will come too and help. I need more vodka and they are my friends so I will help, da?" Russia smiled at his decision and grabbed his coat. Neither of the Baltics had the courage to say no and with Russia there, the problem would be fixed almost instantly. As they walked out the door, Belarus came out from behind a bush and jumped on Russia's back.

"Where brother goes, I will go." She informed. No one said anything and they all got in the car and drove the short distance to the mall.

Upon walking in, the first thing they noticed was that the mall was almost empty, second thing was that the Nordics arrived shortly before they did and lastly, there were two nations on the lights and they had lotion being through at them.

Russia started to laugh. "This is going to be fun, da?"


	5. Chapter 5

Both Iceland and Poland tackled Hong Kong the minute he touched the ground, sending the box skidding across the floor away from them. They both jumped up to grab at the box but Hong Kong grabbed Poland refusing to let him get up. Iceland ran for the box but Lithuania tackled him before he could grab it. The four all struggled against one another when Belarus walked over and picked up the box to see what the desired shoes looked like anyway. After opening the lid, rolled her eyes.

"You are all morons!" She shouted, which confused everyone. She twitched her dress up and showed them her shoes. They were the exact same kind as the ones in the box. "I have seven pairs of these! Four are in white, three are in black. All of them a size six. There's a shoe center just down the street that always has them in stock. They even have them in blue and pink." She huffed and slid box towards them. Hong Kong let go of Poland and Lithuania let Iceland stand up. Iceland grabbed the box since he was nearest it. Poland walked over to Belarus.

"So… You think you can show where the shoe center is?" He asked shyly, feeling like an idiot. They all did. They had cleared a mall and broken thousands of dollars worth of things over a pair of boots that could be gotten down the street with ease. Norway was the first to move, returning the thong he was using as a slingshot to the shop where he got it.

They all started to clean up the mess, putting anything that they could back where they got to avoid needing to buy it and leaving money for the things that were too broken. Once everything was taken care of, which took over six hours, they all tried to figure out what to do next. They knew they should leave but their bosses where going to be furious and so would the people that had missed out shopping in the mall, and the mall employees. They had seriously messed up.

"I'm the one that had, like cleared the mall so I guess I should be the one to tell everyone to come back?" Hong Kong said uncertainly.

"How are you going to do that? I doubt they are all just standing out there waiting for us to finish." Iceland pointed out. Hong Kong shrugged. Norway checked the time.

"Well, whatever we are going to do, we need to do it quick since the meeting starts in a couple of hours." They all shifted nervously, knowing that America would not be happy that they had trashed one of his malls.

"Maybe we should call America and tell him what happened?" Russia suggested, not wanting to talk to the American but would if it needed to happen.

"Again, and tell him what?" Iceland reminded them.

After a couple of hours of debating they all decided to just leave and go back to the hotel, hoping that they wouldn't get into much trouble.

At the meeting, Iceland showed up wearing some amazing white boots and Poland in a new dress and some pink boots. Once the meeting had turned into chaos, as it always does, they talked about how much they loved the boots. That is, until America pulled them aside.

"Okay dudes, so my boss says you guys are banned from all American malls until all the damages are paid off which is going to take forever. But, the security cameras caught what you guys did and y'all already have three million views on YouTube! High five dudes!" They both gave his hand a slap, grinning ear to ear.


End file.
